Motivation

I find it hard to be motivated. And I'm sure I'm not the only one. But sometimes I stumble across a video on YouTube and it's motivating. Not the motivation which encourages you somewhat, but the motivation that fills you with determination and encourages you to work to your very best. Middle of last term I was in a bad place. I know it sounds cliched but I didn't feel happy and I just wasn't doing much (I mean, I'm still not doing much but yunno). I was just sick of life and sick of school and family and commitments and everything. Until my parents convinced me to go to youth group. Now, me, I'm awful at fitting in, at finding that place where I belong and I can talk to people I want to talk to. And I went to this youth group expecting not to fit in or enjoy myself with all the other peoples company. But, everyone was nice, just regular human beings. I managed to fit in, and although it took a little while to feel like I belonged, eventually I started to look forward more and more to every Friday, to learning more about God and hanging out with amazing people. These people may not have helped me personally, but together, they helped drag me out of the misery I was sinking into. I don't tend to say it to people I'm still only getting to know, but thankyou to each and everyone of you for helping me. You have all inspired me to become a better person and to stay motivated.

Schooool

It's that time again....
Ohhhhh yes! The dreaded moment in every child's life when the holidays are over and you are forced to go back....
Back to School
Now I've got nothing against school, it's generally okay, but at times it gets tedious, boring and very overwhelming. I'll be honest, I kinda hate school. I just can't wait to get out of it and into the real world with my first job, first girlfriend, first flat etc. Also at the same time I want to hold on to these years for as long as I can. Childhood is a great time of life and it slips away all to soon. I, myself know this as I am turning 16 in a few months and will be able to get my licence. It feels like just yesterday I was thirteen, back in primary school as a technology leader, not really caring about the technology just glad I was enjoying life. Then high-school somehow happened and before I know it POOF! Here I am. I guess all that I'm trying to say is that I'm sure I'm not the only one out there who dreads school, and I'm sure I'll (eventually) get used to it. But for the time being I'm still sick of it, just wishing I could live my own life. It would be a bit difficult living life out in the big wide world as a 15 year old. So while I hate it, I think it's probably best to stay in school.
For now any way.

-Josh

Honestly

I have no idea what life is anymore..... Not that I had any idea in the first place. It's just my life seems to go one direction and then bam! Adds a sharp curve ball and starts heading the opposite direction. And then I'm like, well this ain't too bad, and then something else happens splat bang in the middle of all my chaos. I've been loaded down with homework and internals since week 2 of school. It's been absolutely insane how much work I've done, I didn't know I could do that much work. But yea, things have been reallyyy busy and I'm sick of it all :P

Hot mess? 

Rephrase that to 'mess'

Summer

Summer. It's the greates time of year. I, personally love it, (apart from the constant droning flies) and although it's a great time, it gives me space to think about, well, life. Well I love summer, I don't actually get anything done much. I had planned a few things in the holidays, but as always (for me anyway) the plans went lopsided. I had planned to go camping with my 4 best friends but 3 of them weren't able to come because of arrangements that had already been made with other friends/family. It was still going to be a great time though, just me and my other best friend, Fenella. We had it almost all planned out until about a week before we were going my mum pulled the plug on it because there wasn't enough money in bank to get to the beach/pay for accommodation. It was extremely unfortunate and I was pretty gutted, but life goes on and you can't sit around waiting for something to happen. I did get to catch up with 3 of my friends a couple of days ago, Isaac,Georgia and Fenella. It was great to catch up with them and even better to see how much they had changed and how much more cool they have become (although in truth, you guys have always been cool) the highlights of my summer have been, Christmas Eve, staying up past 2 waiting for Christmas with my brothers. Roadtripping in Porirua with the whole family (all 12) and having a great New Years chat with three of my older brothers about burritos. Another highlight was going down to the tennis courts and playing tennis with my brothers and sisters. One night my second oldest brother Nate took his Subaru for one last boost with me, my other brothers Dan and Jords and one of my sisters Beka. Listening to 'dancing in the moonlight' by top loader staring at the stars as we cruised through the countryside was truly amazing. Longboarding streets with Nate made me feel free and alive. The last memory of my summer was hanging out with Georgia, Isaac and Fenella was great. We played truth or date which was a laugh and included me having a spoonful of absolutely disgusting Tabasco sauce, Isaac drinking a soy sauce shot, and me doing chubby bunnies then singing and acting *thanks Fenella* Anaconda by Niki Minaj. Ugh. I hate that song. 

All in all, my holidays have been truly great, and although I didn't get to catch up with my friends (who I miss like crazy everyday) much, it was still a great summer. So all I can say is.....

BRING ON NEXT YEAR 🎉

That moment...

That moment when you are awake with two of your older brothers at 2 in the morning eating roasted pumpkin and kumara is when you start to realise, that life truly is the greatest adventure you'll ever have and even though there will be tough times, no matter what, you have to stick with it and move on with your life. It will be difficult. There will be problems. But when you're on your deathbed you want to look back on life and think 'that was the greatest rollercoaster ever and I wish I could do it all again'. 

Friends are there to help you

Without my friends, I don't know where I would be today. Without my friends I would be sitting here, pondering what to do with my life and having no-one to discuss it with. I wasn't sure what to write about this week, but I decided to write about my friends. These three are the greatest friends I could ever ask for, and have helped me through many problems and bumps in the almost 2 years that I have known them. They are incredible people who are now, a part of my family. 

First up, there's Georgia. We met on the first day of school in year 9 in our tutor group. We formed an unlikely bond while playing games on her iPad mini. She is a great person who is always good for fun, pizza and people dying in movies. You are a great friend Georgia. You're fun to be around, and although you can be quiet, that's what makes you unique in my group of friends. 

Then there's Ryan. I remember seeing him into social studies on my first day at high school and thinking 'he looks like a stoner' (sorry Ryan :P). We too bonded over games and after having played 'Gang Beasts' and 'Super Mario Bros' I felt like he was my first actual friend at high school. You're a great mate Ryan. I always enjoyed having you over and us playing video games until some ridiculous hour of the morning. You are a bit of a loony like me and I think this is one of the many reasons we bonded so well. You are the only guy-friend that I have, you are my best guy friend. You're the man Ryan. 

Thirdly, there's Fenella. I bonded with Fenella only in term 2 after we started taking piano lessons together and realised that our piano teacher looked like a goldfish which I'll admit, I nearly choked, laughing so hard about it. We talked sometimes, and didn't really become good friends until at the end of last year when I invited my friends all to come bowling with me. You're a funny person Fenella, you have a quirky personality and you're always down for a good talk. You always make me smile and continue to be a great friend. 

Oh, I nearly forgot. 

How could I forget?!?!?

Lastly, there's Jordyn. 

I can't actually remember quite how we became friends but I have distinct feeling it happened after you let me copy your work in science and bought me food at the canteen. You are a amazing person Jordyn, you are always keen to pitch in and help people and I think somehow, you saw that I needed help getting friends, so you became one yourself. You're a chill person and it's good to have you as a friend. 

These people have built me up. They have cemented my life in solid foundations and they have been supportive friends the whole way. Georgia, Fenella, Ryan and Jordyn, you are the best friends I could ever ask for and I wouldn't trade you for anyone. 

Love you guys,

Death is a new viewpoint on life

Hope that title doesn't sound too dark. 

I fell into an exsistential crisis yesterday. I was thinking I wonder what happens after death and I wondered to hard and thought maybe there is no heaven and maybe our afterlife is just eternal blackness. And then that got me worried 'I WANNA SEE THIS WORLD FLOURISH AND GROW etc.' and then I went to deep and thought what if our entire existence is meaningless and we're just here to live, repopulate and die. And I thought 'why are we here at this moment and time? Do we have something we have to live up to?' It made me feel waaaay too tripped about life but it also made me think, 'what if there is life after death? Would we go back as another person and start life all over again? If so, would we still have memories of our past life/lives? Things like this make everything I think about go fuzzy and I fall into a void of thought. It leaves me bewildered and amazed at what is capable with the brain.